MERCY – The Marriage Education & Resource Center

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When You Are Sick and Tired

taking-care-of-spouse I’ve been sick. I was in the hospital for two days. It’s been a long time since I remember feeling so horrible. I want to brag on my husband. He was there every step of the way. He took me to the hospital at 3:30 a.m., sat by my side, prayed for me and with me. He kept the kids informed as we were thousands of miles away from them. Even though I was so sick I couldn’t hardly hold my head up, my love for him was huge at that time. I don’t know what I would have done without him. Just know how you take care of your spouse during an illness, will speak louder than you can imagine.

Memory Making

shutterstock_118416478 couple dancing

My husband, David, and I met at a YMCA dance. I was 14 and he was 17. We flirted with each other and we danced.  Oh, how I loved to dance.  Well that was 50 years ago.  For my birthday this year, David suggested the kids get me a CD by John Denver.  I had recently mentioned I wish they made songs like his again.  That’s one of the things I love about my husband.  He is attentive to the little things.  This morning he put on the CD.  It was “Annie’s Song.”  That’s one of my favorites. I said, “Let’s dance.”  We did and it was special.  For a few moments it took me back to that first time we danced when I was 14 and he was 17, but so much richer now.  Time and memories will do that.  I told him, “This is where we came in. This is where we began many years ago.”  I hope you have those special moments.  If you haven’t for awhile, why not make one today.

How Do You Respond?

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“I’m not looking forward to tomorrow.”

I should have just said, “I understand, or ask why he wasn’t looking forward to it.”  After being married as long as we have , I had a pretty good idea why he dreaded it.   Instead, I began with “Yes, but. . .” trying to justify why he shouldn’t feel this way.

I know better than this and after it spilled out of my mouth, I felt badly.  Too late.  I did come back the next morning and said, “Even though I know we should go, it’s not my favorite thing to do either so I understand.”  But it would have been much better if I’d forgone the initial lecture.

After all, we tell couples,”Listen, affirm the other’s feelings.  You don’t have to agree.  Make it safe for your partner to share.  If you come back with a rebuttal, criticism or immediately jump in to fix it, they are more than likely going to be reluctant to keep sharing.”  This holds true for them and it rang true for me. Sure hope I’ll do better next time.