How parents handle conflict in marriage is closely observed by children. An explosive, verbal exchange between parents can worry a child. On the other hand, suppressing anger can be just as damaging. A child can sense when something is wrong, and may even feel responsible for the anger that’s brewing beneath the surface. Assassinating your mate’s character or point of view can be deadly to a marriage, and a very unhealthy trait to pass along to children. Two of the most valuable things your children can inherit from you are good negotiation and conflict resolution skills. In addition, being willing to say “I’m sorry” and taking responsibility when we’re wrong will go a long way in teaching children the art of dealing with disagreements.
Another sensitive area parents deal with is when a child attempts to play one parent against the other to get his way. This is when parents need to stand together to avoid this old divide and conquer strategy. If we don’t, we’re not serving the best interest of the child, and the companionship of the marriage will be lessened if one constantly feels overruled by the other.
On the other side of conflict is affection. . .affection to your children and your spouse. Touch often. Compliment your spouse frequently. Look for the positives, rather than magnifying the negatives.
Another technique for honoring your spouse is to do something special for him or her. Standing at the checkout lane, Dad picks up a small bouquet of flowers for his wife. When his daughter asks, “Why are you getting those?” he might say, “Mom likes flowers and I wanted to get some for her. She’s very special, don’t you think?” Those little gestures mean a lot. . .not only to your spouse, but to your children as well.
It’s been said parents are examples that children strive to equal or excel, especially through imitation. Our behavior teaches more powerfully than any other method. So if we expect children to respect our marriages, we must first respect it ourselves.