“Mommieee,why do you and Daddy have to go out? Why can’t we go with you?” Tommy pleaded.
Tommy’s mom squatted down near him. “Sweetie, look at me. Mommy and Daddy really enjoy being with you and Katie, but sometimes Mommy and Daddy like to go out alone, so we can talk and have fun together. Just like you enjoy being with your friends, Mommy and Daddy enjoy being with each other.”
Though Tommy would still have preferred going with his parents to staying with a sitter, his mom conveyed some valuable lessons to him in this conversation. See it gives children a sense of security to know their parents truly value their marriage and each other. Parents are entitled to time alone, but with the pace parents run today, many feel guilty of excluding their children from any social activity.
One way to teach respect for your marriage is to establish procedures and routines. For example, a family rule might prohibit anyone from opening a closed door without knocking. Or, you might insist that cursing and name-calling are not acceptable behaviors.
Being specific about how to act can also go a long way in teaching children about manners and respect. A statement, such as, “It makes people feel better when you look in their eyes when you talk with them,” helps a child to know this is a polite thing to do.
The most powerful technique, however, for teaching children to respect your marriage is by modeling it for them, as a couple, and treating them with respect. How you touch, fight, share feelings and talk to one another sends graphic messages to children.
When you and your spouse meet for the first time during the day, do you greet one another warmly? When talking do you turn off the television and get rid of other distractions? Do you avoid yawning, rolling your eyes or interrupting your partner until she’s finished? Are “please” and “thank you” a regular part of your family vocabulary? Using good manners is a means of being kind and respectful.
Next week, we’ll talk more about other ways to teach children how to respect your marriage.
Grace and peace,
Penny and David