April 2013 Newsletter

April Newletter from MERCY

The Marriage Education and Resource Center (MERCY)
play date

April 2013 Newsletter

from The Marriage Education and Resource Center (MERCY)

Greetings!
There are so many exciting things happening at The Marriage Education and Resource Center (MERCY).

  • On May 17, we are working with Crestwood Baptist Church to bring you a fun date night.  You won’t want to miss this. Kenn Kington, professional comedian, promises it will be the greatest date since your honeymoon!  See details below.
  • And speaking of date nights, more are on the way.  We now have a “Date Night Coordinator” and she is hard at work planning some fantastic date night ideas. In the meantime, we want to encourage you to take the “Date Night Challenge for May.” Check it out below.   Thank you Julia for agreeing to take on this task!
  • MERCY will soon have a new web site!  We can’t thank John Baker enough for stepping forward and volunteering to redesign a new web site for us. John is with The Charis Group.  The Charis Group provides e-Presence development and operational coaching for ministries, not-for-profits and sole proprietors. If you would like to discuss how The Charis Group can assist you in your effort, email John at:  WebServant@TheCharisGroup.com

These are just a few of the things that are happening and we hope you will stay tuned as more things unfold.  Thank you for your faithfulness to this ministry.

Grace and peace,

Penny and David Hudson

 

The Ultimate Date Night

kenn kington poster Kenn Kington, professional comedian,

is coming live to Crestwood Baptist Church Friday, May 17 at 7:00 p.m.

If you’d like a fun date night where you will laugh a lot, learn a little and eat great desserts, you don’t want to miss this event.

Tickets are $15 per person in advance; $20 per person at the door.

For tickets or additional information go to:

www.crestwoodbaptist.org or call (241-8534).

To know more about Kenn, go to www.kennkington.com

Invite some friends and come join us!  You’ll have a blast!  Kenn says, it will be the best date since your

honeymoon.

April Marriage Tip –

Are You Assertive Enough in Your Relationship?

man woman How easy is it for you to express your feelings and ask for what you want in a relationship?

When we work with couples, this is often an area that needs work.  One spouse has these hidden expectations and when they aren’t fulfilled, he/she is frustrated, disappointed or just down right mad.   They think, “If he/she really loved me they would (fill in the blank), yet this person may never have told their spouse what he/she wanted, needed or expected.  They may be hinting or hoping but not really saying it.  For example:

Perhaps Joe wants to go fishing with his buddies this weekend.  So he says to Susie, his wife, something like, “The guys are going fishing this weekend.”

He is hoping Susie will say, “Well, why don’t you go with them?”

And when she doesn’t, he is disappointed.

Instead, he needs to be more direct – in a nice way.

“I’d really like to go fishing with the guys this weekend.

How would you feel about that?”

So the next time you are feeling frustrated because your needs, wants or expectations are not being met, ask yourself if you are being assertive enough in your relationship.

In This Issue
The Ultimate Date Night
Are you Assertive Enough in Your Relationship?
Your Date Night Challenge
Volunteer Wish List
How to Help a Friend Whose Marriage Is Falling Apart
Additional Marriage Enrichment Opportunities
Grief Workshop
Join our Mailing List!

Your Date Night Challenge –

(Take the Challenge and You Might

Win a Prize!)

Dating your spouse is one of the most important things you can do to preserve your marriage.  Somehow once the vows have been said, children come along, work piles up “date nights” take a back seat to all the other obligations.  Then, our marriages often become predictable, boring and dull.  Not a good thing.  In fact, the experts tell us boredom in marriage may be worse than conflict. Dating can be the building block to a better relationship.  It gives couples a break from parenthood, injects some excitement, becomes a channel to express our love, collect memories and allows us to get reacquainted.

Reacquainted?  Think you know everything about your spouse? Answer the questions below and see.  We would also like to give you our “May Date Night Challenge.”  Go ahead.  Take it.  Plan an adventure together.  Send in your ideas.  We want to hear about your adventure. For the couple who comes up with the best “date night” adventure, and can send us a picture, they will receive two tickets to the Louisville Bats game.

But first, let’s see how well you know your spouse in the adventure department.

  1. On a scale of 1-10, how adventurous is our life together?
  2. Would you call me adventurous?
  3. What is the last totally spontaneous thing we’ve done together?
  4. What do you think of when you think of adventure?
  5. Do I have any adventures personally that you feel get in the way of us as a couple (e.g., hunting, shopping, golf, watching sports, etc.)?
  6. As your spouse, how can I help you be more adventurous?
  7. The biggest barrier to adventure in our marriage is __________________.
  8. Some creative ways to work around or overcome that barrier include __________.
  9. When it comes to adventure in our marriage, I feel most loved when you__________.
  10. Did you ever see your parents being adventurous?

A great big thank you to Julia for coming up with this Date Night Challenge!

Volunteer Wish List
play date

We are thrilled with those who have volunteered to help with MERCY, but we are still praying for additional help in several areas:
Public Relations Advocate:  Have you benefited from being a part of MERCY’s services?  Perhaps you attend our workshops, have been mentored, or were you one who needed help in some way and turned to MERCY.  What better spokesperson could there be than someone who has been a part of this ministry in some way.  If you are good with meeting people and championing a cause, we’d love to talk with you. We’re looking for someone who would be willing to call on churches/organizations to introduce MERCY to them or set up a booth at local events, etc.
Small-Group Marriage Leaders: We would love to offer six to eight week marriage studies based on Christian principles. We’re looking at topics, such as improving communication, better conflict resolution skills, building teamwork in marriage, building up your spouse, etc.  In other words, relationship skills that will help couples have healthy and satisfying marriages.   Have you led a small group in the past and would be willing to lead a study for a short period of time? We understand that you may not want to commit to this long term but if you might be open to facilitating one study, we’d love to talk with you.
Prayer Warriors:  We are in need of folks who will be willing to pray for MERCY.  So if
you could commit to doing this, we’d really appreciate it.

 

How to Help a Friend Whose Marriage Is Falling Apart

It’s evident that most of us will be touched by a friend or relative who is going through a divorce.  What we say, or don’t say may alter that person’s life forever.  So how should we respond?

Let Your Friend Do The Talking

Allowing your friend to articulate what’s felt will help her sort out her situation.  But listening requires your undivided attention and accepting what’s said, even when you don’t agree.

Don’t deny or squelch your friend’s feelings.  If she says, “I don’t feel like Jim really loves me anymore and I have nothing left to give,” refrain from saying, “You shouldn’t feel like that.”  But be wary of saying you understand when you can’t.  Everyone’s pain is different.

Express Support 

Display a loving, caring attitude by letting your friend know you are honored by, and will honor, her disclosure to you.  Don’t assure her things will get better if she just gives it time.

Maintain Neutrality

It’s important to avoid showing favoritism or taking sides, especially when you are friends with the husband and wife.  Also avoid becoming the confidante to the friend of the opposite sex.  Most people who are going through marital issues desperately need someone who will sympathize and understand, and the emotional attraction can be powerful.

Encourage Your Friend to Seek Help 

There’s no shame in having marital problems.  Strongly recommend the help of a professional/pastoral counselor, mentor or a program such as Retrouvaille, New Beginnings or The National Institute of Marriage.  Links to all these programs are listed on our web site www.kymrc.com and we have a list of professional counselors we can recommend.

Be Sensitive to Your Marriage

Trying to help someone who is having marital difficulties can sometimes show what a great marriage you have. On the other hand, it can open a door for you to become critical and negative toward your spouse.  Don’t allow negative feelings to spill into your relationship.

When involved with the unraveling of a marriage, although you cannot take away or make decisions for the couple, you can be that instrument God uses to express His love and care.

 Additional Marriage Enrichment Opportunities

Wives will be encouraged to love God and encourage their husbands daily by special guest Pam Farrel, the author of 52 ways to WOW your husband. Pam Farrel and her husband Bill are coauthors of the bestselling Men Are Like Waffles – Women Are Like Spaghetti and cofounders of Love-Wise, connecting love and wisdom and bringing practical insights to personal relationships.
“The WOW Wife” is designed for ladies’ busy lives and to enrich their marriage.
Thursday, May 9 – 6:30 p.m. – Fellowship Hall 2
Southeast Christian Church
Tickets are $10 each
For additional information you can go to:
or call Barb Saylor at (502)  253-8023 or email her at:  bsaylor@secc.org
 
love and respect

Love and Respect Video Conference
May 3-4
Lexington, KY
First Assembly of God
2780 Clays Mill Road
Friday 6-10 p.m and Saturday 8:00 a.m. – 1:30 p.m.
For additional information or to register go to:

 The Art of Marriage Video Conference

 art of marriage

May 17-18
Lawrenceburg, KY
Ninevah Christian Church
1195 Ninevah Road
Friday 6-10 p.m. and Saturday 8:00 a.m. – 1:30 p.m.

For additional information or to register go to:

 
June’s Workshop at MERCY – Change in the date – Now June 15
Due to an unforeseen circumstance, our June workshop on “Financial Stress – It’s Not Just The Money,” will now be Saturday, June 15 rather than June 22, the date it was originally scheduled.  So please make a note of this change. We will still be at Baptist Health – Louisville, 4000 Kresge Way, Louisville, KY  40207.  John and Mary Ann Vanderveer will still be our presenters for this workshop.  You loved them last year when they did a workshop on The Five Languages of Apology and we are sure you will enjoy this workshop as well.

 

Grief Workshop

The loss of a loved one in a family, impacts the dynamics of a marital relationship.  Therefore, we wanted to make you aware of a new 6-week facilitated workshop on grief for those who are struggling and coping with the loss of a loved one.

May 6 – June 10

Immaculate Conception Church

502 N. 5th Avenue

LaGrange, KY  40031

11:00 a.m. – 12:30 p.m.

The workshop is open to all and gives people the opportunity to share their grief, learn positive coping skills and learn a way to create a “new normal” that honors their loved one.  For additional information or to register, please call:  Marilyn Geist at (502)  548-8060 or Sharon Clark (502)  241-2945.  There is no cost for the workshop.

If at any time you have suggestions, comments, ideas you would like to share with us, we’d love to hear from you.  We are here to serve you.
Sincerely,
Penny and David Hudson
The Marriage Education and Resource Center (MERCY)

March 2013 Newsletter

March 2013 Newsletter from MERCY

The Marriage Education and Resource Center (MERCY)
March 2013 Newsletter
from The Marriage Education and Resource Center (MERCY)
Greetings!

At MERCY we believe every marriage can be enhanced and each one is worth trying to save. Our goal is that your marriage, and ours, will be better this year than the last.

We are so grateful for all those who have partnered with us in the past and continue to do so today. . .our faithful financial supporters, workshop presenters, mentors, Coupletime leaders, a new legal consultant and web site designer who have recently come onboard and others.

Over the past few months, however, we believe the Lord is asking MERCY to expand it’s vision and services.  He has provided for this ministry in so many ways and we want to be faithful in continuing to serve in whatever areas we may be asked.  We also know that we cannot to do this without additional help.  So our plea this month is to ask you to pray and see if the Lord may be leading you to volunteer at MERCY. In this newsletter, we have listed some areas where we see a need and are praying the Lord will fill these positions with just the right people.

Grace and peace,

Penny and David Hudson

March’s Marriage Tip

 

Fellow marriage mentors, Carol and Dick Cronk, from Ohio, recently posted the following tip that we want to share with you.
Dick and Carol give this as a homework assignment to the couples they mentor.  They tell us when they personally use this technique with one another, it seems to disarm their anger.
When a spouse’s spirit deflates during a conflict, often the
wife is feeling unloved and the husband is feeling disrespected.
This isn’t always the case, but according to Dr. Eggerich, it frequently is.  Therefore, when a husband chooses to do or say something loving such as, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way’ he energizes his wife.  When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.
Dick and Carol take this from Emerson Eggerich’s Love and Respect For a Lifetime
If you would like to attend a Love and Respect video conference, The Kentucky Marriage Movement will be hosting one May 3-4 at Lexington First Assembly of God, 2780 Clays Mill Road in Lexington, KY  40503.  For additional information or to register, call (859) 255-5400 or go to: www.kentuckymarriage.org

In This Issue
March’s Marriage Tip
Volunteer Wish List
Accepting Our Differences
Kavanaugh Life Enrichment Center
Upcoming Marriage Enrichment Opportunities
Couples in Crisis
Join Our Mailing List!

 Volunteer Wish List for MERCY 
marriage rocks

If you are interested in making a difference in marriages, we’d love for you to join this team.  Here is a list of volunteer positions we’d love to have filled:
Date Night Coordinator

The idea of offering couples a date night keeps surfacing.

One of the things we see at MERCY is couples are starved for time to spend together. One particular venue being considered is offering couples/families free movie date nights.  In fact, we were recently approached by someone who said we could even use their facilities to offer such events. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could offer couples/families wholesome movies free of charge, with perhaps free childcare?  Or, offer other date night events for couples? If this speaks to your heart, will you please think about helping in this regard.
Public Relations Advocate
Attendance at our workshops has increased and we are so grateful more folks are taking advantage of them.  But the more people we can reach the healthier marriages and relationships can be, and in turn, resulting in healthier families, churches, communities and beyond.  We’d  love to have someone who could call on churches/organizations to introduce MERCY to them, or to set up a booth at local events, etc.
Small-Group Marriage Leaders
In addition to our monthly workshops, we’d love to be able to offer couples some short-term (six-eight week) marriage studies.  If you have experience in leading small groups and have a heart for enhancing relationships, please get in touch with us.  We need you!
Mentoring Couples
This spring MERCY will be offering training in the PREPARE/ENRICH program.  We strive to train Christian, top-notch couples who have been married over ten years to work directly with couples. If this sounds like something you and your spouse would like to be involved in, will you please give us a call?  Trust us, you will be the one who is blessed.
Crisis Mentoring
Have you been through some struggles in your mariage, yet with the Lord’s help, have found healing?  If so, you just might be someone who could walk along another who may be in crisis.  If  you might be willing to be a support partner to a fellow struggler, we would love to hear from you. Coaching in this area on how to do this is available.
Workshop Coordinator
In the event David nor I could be at one of the workshop events, would you be willing to coordinate details with the hospital, our presenters, bring snacks (which MERCY would reimburse you for), introduce and close the sessions, etc.?
Prayer Warriors 
Would you be willing to pray for this ministry, with others perhaps you meet with in your small group or ones you recruit, for one month?  We’d like to ask for monthly sign-ups beginning in April 2013.  We want this ministry constantly bathed in prayer.
If you would be willing to volunteer in any of these areas, click here to fill out our volunteer survey.

 

Accepting Our Differences

forgiveness We want to say a special thank you to Irene Justiniano for leading our workshop last month on “How to Identify, Accept and Value Our Personality Differences.”

We had a great turnout and want to thank everyone who attended.  Based on the evaluations, everyone walked away with some very practical helps.

As a tie-in to last month’s topic, I dusted off an article written several years ago called “Accepting Our Differences,” that I hope you will find useful.

“In our bottom-line, results-oriented society, we often link our self-worth to our performance.  But within each of us is a yearning to be accepted for whom we are rather than what we do or how well we perform.

 

“Unfortunately, many couples spend their lifetime trying to change their spouse into a carbon copy of themselves or into a preconceived idea of whom they want their partner to be.  Most of us, however, have a hard time accepting the simple fact people are different.  We have different personalities, expectations, feelings and desires. We see life differently.

 

“When I go to the beach I’m in awe.  Surging waves, the smell of saltwater, the warmth of the sun, makes me want to stay a lifetime.  For someone else, the experience may be quite different.  When that person goes to the beach, all he may see is a bunch of seaweed and hot sand that does nothing except make him perspire.

 

“David Kirsey and Marilyn Bates open their book, Please Understand Me, with these comments:

 

” ‘ If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me my want is wrong.’  ‘Or, if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.’  ‘Or, if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly. . .’ “

 

Is accepting our differences easy?  No.  Loving?  Yes.

Kavanaugh Life Enrichment Center

Kavanaugh  If you are looking for a great retreat center, a place for a wedding/wedding reception, family reunion or any other type of group event, we recommend you check out The Kavanaugh Life Enrichment Center.

Kavanaugh is a retreat and conference center of the Kentucky Conference.  It was founded by Bishop H. H. Kavanaugh who had a dream to carve out a piece of God’s creation and maintain it as a place for ministry and renewal.

Kavanaugh offers an environment for experiencing the love, grace and guidance of God.  For a tour or to plan a group retreat contact:

Kavanaugh Life Enrichment Center

7505 Kavanaugh Road

Crestwood, KY  40014

Phone:  502-241-9091

www.campkavanaugh.com

 Marriage Enrichment Opportunities 
worried couple 

Talk that Wrecks Relationships – Next Workshop at MERCY
Have you ever felt like the person you love the most has the ability to make you fantastically happy, but can also send you to the pit of unhappiness? That’s because certain things we do and say have intense power to destroy the closeness we feel to a mate.  The ability to stop, think and be sensitive to what we are saying leads to closeness and emotional connection.
This workshop will identify three dialogues that can serve as relationship wrecking balls.  Join us as we learn how to recognize our own needs for emotional connection and how to help others feel connected to us.
April 20, 2013  –  9:30 – 11:00 a.m.
Baptist Hospital East
2nd Floor – By Cafeteria Seating Area
4000 Kresge Way, Louisville, KY  40207
Workshop Leader – Sharon Shapanus – LCSW/LMFT
There is no charge for the workshop, however, donations are always appreciated.
Registration is requested, but not required.  To pre-register, call (502)  939-0121; email: pdhud9@aol.com or visit:  www.kymrc.com
    The LOVE WORTH FIGHTING FOR tour features actor, writer and evangelist Kirk Cameron and singer/songwriter Warren Barfield (“Love is Not A Fight” from the FIREPROOF movie starring Kirk Cameron).  The event features teaching by Kirk Cameron and music by Warren Barfield, designed to strengthen and enourage your marriage.
Sunday, April 21
4- 7:30 p.m.
(Doors open at 3:00 p.m.)
Valley View Baptist Church
8911 Third Street Road
Louisville, KY  40272
Cost:
VIP tickets – $35
General Admission – $22.50
General Admission Group of 10 or more – $20
For additional information or to purchase tickets. go to:  www.itickets.com/tours/877.html
play date birds

Play Date with Your Mate

 

Strengthen your communication and grow together as a married couple through purposeful interaction and fun activities utilizing Life Adventure Center’s various programs. Special events are held throughout the year.  For additional information, call:  (859) 873-3271 or visit:

www.lifeadventurecenter.org

Kenn Kington

Kenn Kington Coming to Crestwood Baptist Church – May 17
You don’t want to miss this event featuring professional comedian, Kenn Kington.  This is a date night for all couples and open to the public.  It’s an evening that provides laughter, fun and enjoyment for couples of all ages.  While there will be plenty of humor (let’s face it, relationships can be funny), couples will also walk away with plenty of tools to grow a strong and lasting marriage. Check this guy out at:
http://www.kennkington.com and get your tickets now at www.crestwoodbaptist.org. Cost is only $15 per person.

Couples in Crisis

Are you struggling in your marriage?  Do you fight constantly or hardly speak? Do you prefer to spend more time away from each other than with one another?  Are you on the brink of divorce?  Do you feel trapped, misunderstood, taken for granted, or angry all the time?  Often when couples find themselves at these type of junctures, they think there is no other choice than to get a divorce, but before you take that step, we pray you will first seek serious help.  Do it for yourself, your spouse, your children, your health, and to avoid repeating the past. We understand that not all marriages can be saved, but please do all you can before you take that final step.
There are many resources/programs/professional helps that can literally change the course of your relationship. Is it easy?  No.  Is it worth it?  For us, it certainly was and for countless others we have witnessed, it was as well.
One such program that’s coming up the weekend of April 5th is Retrouvaille in Cincinnati, Ohio. Others where couples have found healing is:  “A New Beginning,”  “The National Institute of Marriage
Intensives,”  “Marriage Restored,” “Re-generation,”  “Save My Marriage,” “Marriage 911 First Response,” plus a host of helps for those who are struggling with sexual addictions or infidelity. In addition, we can direct you to professional counselors who care about your marriage and will help you work through your difficulties.  Or, if you would like to talk with a mentor, who has also been through some struggles and would be willing to walk along side you, please know they are available.  Links to all of these programs,
mentioned above, are on our web site and we encourage you to check them out.   Following is the link:

 

“If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.” – Mark 3:25
Our prayer is that you will allow the Lord to reunite your house and your hearts.
Sincerely,
Penny and David Hudson

Welcome to MERCY’s New Website!

On behalf of David & Penny (leaders of this ministry) I would like to welcome you to MERCY’s new website!

dancing

In the near future we are going to auto-forward our other domain names (KYMRC.com and MarriageEducationandResourceCenterKY.com) to this new place on the web.

This website development effort is “live” … we are being real and exposing our flaws upfront … as we continue to create a site which is likewise real and to the point of meeting need with ministry.

I look forward to my association with MERCY, and with Dave & Penny.

My hope is that you find our efforts together to be a help as we encourage you in your marriage – in whatever situation you find yourself.

John Baker
MERCY’s WebServant
The Charis Group

John & Brenda Baker
John & Brenda Baker
David & Penny Hudson
David & Penny Hudson