David, my husband, used to joke and tell people I would read anything… a cereal box, directions on toys from McDonald’s, or the phone book. He was right. I’m still like that. I know he thought I was just weird.
Growing up in a family where my mom was confrontational, I didn’t have any problem addressing issues. David, on the other hand, wanted to hold on to peace. This was just foreign to me. We’ve learned to adjust to one another over the years, but it wasn’t until I read Strength-based Marriage and did the assessment, that I understood these things we perceived as quirks better.
See my top “talent” or “strength” is Learner. People who are Learners have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. In particular, the process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites us. I see value in continuous learning. For David, Learner isn’t in his top “talents/strengths.” His number one “talent/strength” is Harmony. This probably isn’t any where near my top ones. See he looks for areas of agreement. He sees little to be gained from conflict and friction. He seeks to find common ground with people.
The interesting thing is these “talents/strengths” are inherent traits. According to Allen Kelsey, a Certified Strengths Coach, “these traits are uniquely, instinctively and permanently yours. They are hardwired in your brain.” See it is not so much about what we do, but who we are. And no amount of getting after someone is likely to change them.
Knowing this helped us understand one another better. Therefore, if you’d like to know more about this topic, check out the book Strengths-based Marriage.” Or, if you are in the Crestwood, KY area you are welcome to borrow it from our library. Just give us a call or email us first.
Grace and peace,