The Toxic “Why”

From my husband’s perspective, I’m sure the question seemed like an innocent one.  “Why didn’t you put the bag of dirty laundry in the suitcase?”

I immediately felt put down and became defensive.  I really didn’t think about where to put the bag of dirty laundry as long as it got to where it needed to be — back in the car so we could continue our trip.

Aaron Anderson, a marriage and family therapist in Denver had this to say about beginning a sentence with “Why didn’t you. . .?”

He says, “Never begin a sentence with ‘Why didn’t you. . .?’ As harmless as this question seems, there’s a presumption behind it that your partner should have known better  In other words, your criticizing them for not being smart enough, not knowing better or not thinking it through.  You’re questioning their intelligence.  The same is true for asking, ‘What made you think that?’ You’re essentially asking your significant other to read your mind about what you think they should have done differently  Let them have their autonomy and make their decisions.  You don’t need to criticize them for their decisions, even the bad ones.”

David, my husband, and I talked about this and came away with a better understanding of why this was upsetting even though that wasn’t his intention. Well, as we travel this journey of marriage, we are constantly learning and this is a lesson we hope from which we can grow.

 

Pre-Valentine’s Day Workshop(s) – “Created for Connection”

Created for Connection – At Two Different Locations

These workshops offer a new way to see and shape love relationships.  They are based on the new science of love and wisdom built on Dr. Sue Johnson’s research of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) which has proven to be incredibly successful. So we hope you will give this gift of love for Valentine’s Day.

Both workshops are on: February 3, 2017, from 5:30 – 9:30 p.m.

One will be held at: Middletown Woman’s Club, 11719 Shelbyville Road, Louisville, KY  40243 (Instructor:  Michael Taylor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with Triune Counseling Services.)

The other workshop will be held at: Beechland Baptist Church, 4613 Greenwood Road, Louisville, KY  40258 (Instructor:  Nikki Erwin, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and MMFT Practicum Director at Campbellsville University and Beechland Counseling Ministry.)

The cost for this four-hour workshop is $85 per couple, and includes the book Created for Connection, (a $25 value).

To register call Michael at 502-387-8802/Fax:  502-244-4991 or Click here